We’ve all heard of Random Acts of Kindness.  Indeed, it makes the world go round.  But, lately, this too-often used phrase has really got me thinking about the word, “Random” and how it is linked to “Acts of Kindness.”  So, I looked it up.  ”Unknown, unimportant, uncertain, unpredictable and lacking any purpose or intention” are some definitions that came up in my search.

Kindness can be done spontaneously in the moment when your heartstrings pull at you, but it would be better if it came with an intention.  It makes one in balance if you do.  And, if things are done randomly, does kindness have any real meaning?   

An intention to be kind allows the person to direct that kindness purposefully, understand where it is coming from (the ego or the heart), and then follow through depending on where the intention came from.  Intentions allow mini-goals to be established in the heart and then the action afterwards can be transforming.  In many traditions, formulating an intention to do something is one half of the reward and if one does not follow through – they are still rewarded for their positive thinking.  And that’s just it.

It is not so much the word “random” that troubles me.  It’s the purpose behind the kindness that matters to me.  Some people can be kind for manipulative reasons (to gain something, to be famous, to be rich, to empower) and still others are kind for the sake of being kind.  See my related post about The Give and Take Principle.

A random act of kindness can just be done with the body.  But, to be truly balanced and bring awareness to each part of you, it requires you to consult the awareness of heart, mind, body and soul.  And formulating an intention before you begin your act engages all four.

Let’s take a common example that happens to me quite frequently:

Walking by people as I stroll by with my baby.  Do I smile or not?

When I go for walks, I encounter two main types of people.  One type of person will look up and smile at people passing by and the other will not acknowledge people as they walk by.  I fall in the first category 85% of the time.  Truthfully, I do have days where I want to be left alone with my thoughts as I stroll and I don’t always look up.  But, on the days where I feel like engaging this is what I think happens.

I see someone far down the street.  They are soon going to pass by me.  What do I feel like doing?  (They are probably wondering the same thing.)  What does my energy feel like?

Heart:  I feel like smiling at this person because I feel happy today and I want them to feel happy too. (The heart feels.)

Mind:  I am going to smile at this person when the person reaches a bit closer to me. (The mind calculates.)

Soul:  I feel like smiling and I am going to smile because the eyes are the gateway inside someone’s vulnerabilities. It’s okay if they don’t look up or if they don’t return the smile.  (The soul transcends.)

Body:  The smile.  (The body acts.)

You might think that this will take too long but it all happens in just a split-second – the heart-mind-body-soul can move really fast.  And, if it does take long for you to figure out if you should or should not do something, pay attention to that hesitation and ask yourself why?  With more acts of kindness that you engage in, the process becomes easier each time.    

So, before you do an act of kindness, take a moment to formulate an intention to engage every part of you.  Bring awareness to your heart and transcend.

Here are 50 (Not So) Random Acts of Kindness:

1. Smile
2. Massage someone’s hand.
3. Fill a parking meter.
4. Pour out water at the dinner table for everyone.
5. Make someone a glass of warm milk before they go to bed.
6. Open a door.
7. Respond to “How are you?” by looking at that person in the eye.
8. Make eye contact when you talk to someone.
9. Hug
10. Share your lunch.  (Bring something that can actually be shared like grapes or carrot sticks.)
11. Place stickie notes around with nice comments around for people to be surprised by when they find it.
12. Make breakfast if you don’t normally do.
13. Make coupons.  ”Evening Night Out While I Take Care of the Kids”
14. Bake and share with your neighbour.
15. Invite your neighbour in for tea or ice-cream.
16. Walk around town and make conversation with the locals.  Visit the same local stores for your things.
17. Remember people’s names when you make conversation with them for next time.
18. Cuddle your child longer than usual.
19. Don’t be the first one to pull away from a handshake or hug or kiss.  (People will notice this one as they try to pull away.  It feels good.)
20. Give a longer gaze than usual to a loved one.
21. Help with groceries by buying them, carrying them in or putting them away.
22. Acknowledge someone’s greetings to you with a better one.
23. Read to a child.
24. Tuck someone in. (Your spouse counts!)
25. Put socks on someone’s feet if they are usually cold.
26. Inquire about someone’s health.  Visit a sick person.
27. Volunteer at a senior’s home (visit your grandparents first if they are still with you.)
28. Volunteer at a school.
29. Volunteer at a youth center and just listen to the kids.
30. Volunteer at a youth center and play sports with them on another day.
31. Volunteer to do something for your family.  (Cut the lawn, tend to the garden, clean up.)
32. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
33. Feed the hungry by making sandwiches, a hot meal and a hot drink and deliver it right to them.  Stay and chat.
34. Do things before being asked.
35. Hold hands with your mom and dad even if you have your own kids.  They love it.
36. Listen intently when you do listen.
37. Take your time doing anything: eating, talking, listening, working, cleaning, reading, writing etc.
38. Look nice for someone.
39. Let someone go ahead of you while driving or in the grocery lane.
40. Offer your change to someone struggling to find the right amount in front of you.
41. Start up conversations in line-ups.
42. Give to a charity.
43. Walk around with change in your pockets so you can give it to people who ask instead of saying, “I don’t have any.”
44. Drive with non-perishables in your car so you can pass it out to the homeless who walk up to your car.
45. Give away balloons, flowers or lemonade outside your place.  Build community.
46. Say, “Please” and “Thank you” and “I Love You” sincerely.
47. Give sincere compliments.
48. Seek forgiveness from someone you know you might need to.
49. Forgive someone who needs it from you.
50. Do chores in the house you don’t normally do.  Make it a habit.
51. Give positive praise to someone who is getting upset with you.

Kindness to others is only possible if you are kind to yourself first.

1. Treat yourself to good food.
2. Take a long bubble bath.
3. Dress up.
4. Sleep in.
5. Use your “best” stuff (perfume, dishes, sit on the expensive couches)
6. Do nothing.

An Invitation

I hope you find balance today by doing an act of kindness with intention.  What acts of kindness do you do for yourself?  Share it in the comments below and let’s grow the list.  Let’s treat ourselves and others with kindness today.
image credit: harcorutgers 9qfcrbezd3

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Back in Grade 8 as soon as we would enter the classroom there was absolutely no talking allowed.  Mr. Miller would simply pass out our loose-leaf journals and we would write in them for 15 minutes in complete silence.  We were not allowed to go to the bathroom, whisper, ask questions or make shuffling noises with our feet.

Then, after 15 minutes he would simply pick them up and put them behind his desk, locked in a cabinet.  He told us that he wouldn’t read them or “mark” them and no one else would, he simply wanted us to write.  He didn’t even make us read out the occasional journal entry after the 15 minutes were up because he thought that knowing that you might have an audience would change the way we really wanted to write.  

From that day, I was never without a journal or paperback in my bag.  I would scribble away all the time and read in every spare moment.  I developed my love for the English language, reading and writing so much, I wanted to go on to major in English in university.  And I did do that and to the dismay of myself and my former teachers and friends, my fear of writing set in.  I stopped writing and reading and my love of English (almost) went down the drain.

I’ll try not to hamper too much on how university can kill your spirit (I’ll save that for another post).  I will say that getting the “right” teacher for your courses really matters.  Researching your teachers by reading reviews posted on them, reading their biographies and philosophical take on life and their expectations of you in class is really important.  

As a teacher, I know that there are a lot of bitter teachers out there – I was one and have also worked with many.  Teachers can lose their passion about their subject because they are also mistreated in lots of ways.  Most often it’s not their fault and they need support.  But, if they haven’t got that support yet and you feel that in the first few classes – drop the course!  I strongly believe that the teacher is the curriculum and you end up taking in their energy, their thought processes and more than just the course content you signed up for.

It wasn’t until I met this one teacher in graduate studies that changed the way I thought about writing.  She was the first person to tell me that the “five paragraph essay” was just a template and that “yes, I can use “I” in my essays.”  I seriously was not told this before and was penalized about these very things in the past.  She basically threw out everything I was ever told about writing.  

She reminded me of Mr. Miller who just wanted us to write, to get out on the page what we really want to say, to just bring the insides of our thoughts out on the page.  She cared about the content not the container.  And, slowly, the fear of writing started to dissipate, even though I am still to this day very fearful.  I do believe that the mechanics of writing are important but it’s something I still struggle with a lot and really fear.  I am choosing to focus on content more for now and improve on the mechanics as I go on, but I don’t want it to block me.  This blog is just one way to keep at it anyway, to revive what I once used to love so much.  (So, please ignore my attempts at punctuation, grammar and fragments and enjoy the content!)

So, how am I getting over the fear?  Here are a few ideas that have really helped me.  

Examine and Understand the Fear

Where is your fear coming from?  Maybe it comes from a teacher’s red markings on your story, someone told you that you were a bad writer, you’ve placed high expectations on yourself, you’re comparing yourself to others, even published authors, you fear what people will think.  Or you think, “what’s the point of writing this blog, there are tons of blogs out there -who is going to read mine?”  Examine your thought processes.  

What is fear?  

Fear comes in the form of a negative thought of something that may or may not occur in the future.  So, we are spending all our time and energy and attention on something that might not even happen.  This time could be spent on your writing.  There is also good fear and bad fear.  For example, if you are a cyclist and you see a rock or a branch in your way, your brain sends and receives signals about it, this allows you to make a decision on how to react to the rock or branch.  Are you going to ride around it, over it, or take another path?  Bad fear is when your brain sends and receives signals to you about something but there is no reaction to it – it leaves you paralyzed.  

Act On Your Fear

Choosing to let your fear control you inhibits your happiness in life and takes you out of balance.  Instead, take steady steps to act on your fear, let go of preconceived notions, let go of judgments and negative voices and take back your life.

Here are a few ways to get back to your writing.

1.  Get a journal.  You can even go and get a fancy one.  Personally, I prefer plain white sketchbooks even though I also use lined.  I like sketchbooks because you can scribble (no words), draw images, or mind-map because the blank pages are not constricting like the lined ones.  

2.  Get a nice pen or pencil.  There is nothing more frustrating than wanting to actually sit down and write and every pen you pick up does not work.  Treat yourself and get a nice pen that is easy to hold in the fingers and writes fluidly.  And stock up on them too.  Put them away in a drawer so that other people in your house don’t use them.  They are special to just you and your writing.

3.  Clear your desktop and tabs.  The first two points are for the traditional types who still write on pen and paper.  Nowadays, many of us will write on the computer.  Clear away the clutter in your browser and desktop and open up a blank document.  Close your email tab (and the gmail notifier) too.  Choose a new font from the toolbar and perhaps change the color of your font too.  No one says you need to use the default font or color when you are writing for yourself.  Change it up.

4.  Read about writing.  There is a plethora of books out there on writing.  I can recommend so many to you.  However, five books sort of stand out from the rest that have helped me the most.  

a)  On Writing Well by William Zinsser:  Zinsser focusses mostly on simple writing.  This book helped me to recognize excess words (I am so guilty).  Adding more words, like adjective and adverbs to your ideas doesn’t help, he says it just adds clutter. He has simple tips like reading your work out loud to hear what it really sounds like and says that most mistakes can be found if you read it back and so many people don’t do this.  He also writes on themes and audience and how to write for specific things like sports or science.  A great book in our house that is re-read often.

b)  The Right to Write by Julia Cameron:  This book affirms the life of a writer.  It motivates you to think about writing again if you have left it for whatever reason.  The book is made up of small easy-to-read chapters or snippets so it can be easily read daily or weekly.  She talks about all the excuses we give ourselves not to write (I think the excuses she gives in the book are a way to hide behind not admitting fear).  She talks about busy schedules, lack of writing space, your family or your daily 9-5 as excuses.  If you like Zen-type of affirmations and if you think writing is “your purpose” or “your mission” or “makes who you are” this book is for you.  

c)  Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott:  Like Julia Cameron, Lamott’s book is also a book that motivates and celebrates the writer inside all of us.   The book’s title comes from advice from Lamott’s father to her 10 year old brother struggling over a book report on birds:  ”Just take it bird by bird.”  She talks about how to write fiction and why to focus on characters mostly.  The book is lengthier than the others but if you are looking for a pick-me-up back into the world of writing, this book can help.

d)  Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White:  This is the most popular book out there in writing.  Now, this book is celebrating it’s 50th Anniversary Edition in a new durable binding to be kept for years longer because you know that you are going to use it!   This book is for everyone from high school to graduate students of writing.  It is compact, jam-packed, simple and incredibly important for clear and strong writing.  It should be on the bookshelf of anyone who writes.

e)  Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss:  This is a hilarious book about punctuation.  Yes, you read that right, punctuation!  This witty little volume, much like Elements of Style, is a U.K. #1 bestseller.  The book’s title is based on how incorrect punctuation about a panda bear in a bar can cause a big fuss.  The panda bear eats: shoots and leaves.  But with the comma in the title, it means that the panda bear actually “shoots” something and leaves.  She uses a very conversational tone and addresses common errors that grammar books try to teach.  A hilarious way to look at grammar again and the importance of mechanics in one’s writing.  

5.  Don’t compare your writing to others.  It happens.  We read so many blogs online, all these great books and articles and we think, “I can’t write like that” or “That only happens to ‘good’ writers.”  Well, there is no real definition of a ‘good’ writer.  Comparing yourself to others only makes your mind spiral downwards.  Instead give yourself mini-milestones and compete against yourself.  You might write one blog post today.  Try to write 1 and 1/2 the next day and two the next.  Challenge yourself to be a better writer instead of comparing yourself against other writers.  Better yet, strive to be a writer that someone compares their writing to.

6.  Form a Writing Circle.  To be a better writer, you will need to show your writing to others.  Start by gathering a small group of your friends and colleagues and get together one night every week to share and discuss your writing.  The critique of others in a compassionate setting is a good stepping stone to improve your writing.

7.  Be an apprentice.  One of my favorite ways to learn anything new or to improve on skills is to find a teacher who is an expert in the field.  Follow them around for a day or even a week and learn how they do things.  Ask lots of questions.

8.  Let Go of Pre-Conceived Notions.  This goes in hand with number seven.  When you do study with a teacher, forget everything that you thought you knew about writing.  When the container is already full, what else can you possibly pour in your cup?  Empty your cup of preconceived notions and start fresh.  

9.  Start Small.  First, try writing in a personal journal for only yourself and start loving it again.  Move on to writing letters to your spouse or your children and then branch out to your community newsletter or start a blog.  Google for freelance writing jobs or post yourself on sites like Suite 101 (they are currently hiring) About.com or Elance and start making some income with your writing.

Admittedly, there are still traces of the fear felt when I write and I do get the butterflies in my stomach every time I hit “publish” and my writing is up for all to see.  I am choosing to act despite my fear and trusting that even though I will make mistakes, at least I am trying.  It is one step closer in becoming more balanced.

An Invitation

Do you or did you have a fear of writing?  What helped you get over it?  What kinds of writing practice do you do?  Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below and let’s give each other The Right to Write.
image credit: Aileen

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If you have been pregnant you might understand where I am coming from. But, if not and you might even be a man reading this, don’t worry. I will tell you how if everyone knew and followed the diet of a pregnant person, we would save millions of dollars in medical bills.

I grew up very healthy on my mother’s food.  My traditional mother would make everything from scratch, grinding up spices by hand, making sauces with ‘real’ tomatoes, making her own yoghurt and the list goes on.  Then, I got married and I had to start cooking for myself and things quickly changed.  I bought a spice rack with everything already ground up, I buy “Roasted Garlic and Onion” pasta sauce ready to go and I love the 8% French Vanilla Yoghurt you can get here on Granville Island.  What is more, I was painfully addicted to coffee – regular drip, lattes, mochas, roasted bean, iced – everything.

There are a lot of rules for pregnant women to follow – especially when it comes to the health of a baby. But, if only I knew all this stuff before, I would’ve made the changes way back when.  And some of the stuff I learned was downright startling.

The fact of the matter is that there is no such thing as “Eating Well for Pregnancy” or “The Pregnancy Diet” or “The Guide to Eating Healthy During Pregnancy.”  The kind of stuff in these books and articles should be recommended reading for everyone!

There is nothing like the health of a baby to have all its fingers and toes, a healthy beating heart, no high-sugar in her blood and a good birth weight that make you want to try your best to eat well.  

I think I was the most healthy in these last 10 months and counting than I have ever been in my life.  I revived my energy and quit coffee amongst other life-affirming changes to my diet.  What is more, my husband joined me in this new goal of becoming healthy and for those of you who are trying to conceive – the health of the both of you really matters.  

Here are a few simple things you can do right now to balance your mood, boost your energy and revive your spirit.

1.  Gimme Six Instead of Three:  Instead of eating three times a day that can leave you feeling full and heavy especially at dinner, eating six times a day and lightly keeps your blood sugar level, gives you an energy boost more often and keeps you more in balance and it’s all about the balance right?  :)  It allows you to empty out your system more frequently by reminding you to drink a glass of water with each mini-meal – you just need to squeeze two more glasses to get the recommended eight.  Those of you trying to lose weight (not recommended for preggos) eating six meals instead of three surely helps.  Try it.

2.  Vitalize with Vitamins:  Some people say that if you eat well-balanced, from all four food groups, then you don’t have to take a multi-vitamin.  Others say that you must take a vitamin no matter what.  I don’t like eating hidden “meat” ingredients in my food and so I read everything on the labels before I buy it.  I took my time reading the label of this one multi-vitamin bottle.  They really do jam-pack a lot into one vitamin!  I know that I don’t eat all the “right” foods every day.  But, things like “folic acid” were supplements I wasn’t getting enough of at all.  I now take a daily multi-vitamin along with eating a balanced meal as often as possible.

3.  Fill up with Folic Acid:  It is highly recommended for people to take folic acid every day and I did not know this until I started reading about pregnancy.  Folic acid is so important that it is recommended that if you want to conceive you should start having this right away (at least 3 months before you learn that you are pregnant).  It is a supplement that is found in dark green vegetables, mostly.  Yes, that’s right – start eating the salads and the broccoli.  And even if you do eat your salads, it is still important to get enough folic acid with a vitamin.  This helps the baby’s spine grow straight and helps keep spinal problems at bay.

4.  Fishy Sushi:  There are a plethora of sushi restaurants!  I didn’t know that I couldn’t have one of my favorite foods while I was pregnant.  The caution of sushi is the raw fish.  Raw fish carries more bacteria than cooked fish.  Tuna, especially, has high levels of mercury that can be harmful.  What is the solution?  You can still get your soy sauce and wasabi fix with vegetable sushi.  Or, if you can’t pass up on the Spicy Salmon roll, there are some sushi restaurants that now specialize in sustainable fishing practices.  They usually have a certificate up on their wall authorizing that the fish were raised and caught ethically.  We now have a favorite sushi restaurant where they use gloves to make each roll (less chance of cross-contamination) and use clean utensils.  It took us awhile to find this joint but it is well worth it if you love sushi.

5.  Cut the Caffeine:  With coffee shops around every corner, both corporate and local, it is hard not to indulge in a latte with a good friend.  However, coffee is a diuretic and if consumed in large quantities or “strongly” it causes important nutrients like calcium to be taken out of your system.  It also leaves you more dehydrated and gives you mood swings.  It can interfere with how much rest you should actually have, as it artificially boosts your energy when a siesta is all that you really need.  Also, caffeine is not only found in coffee, but also in certain teas, chocolate, coffee ice-cream, and soft-drinks too. 

6.  Down the Water:  We hear it all the time, water is crucial to our health and it is true.  Drinking 8 glasses of water a day was a challenge for me and still is.  Proper water intake can help with excessive thirst that can lead to dehydration, headaches, dizziness and fatigue.  Water rejuvenates and improves skin condition amongst so many other benefits. 

7.  Papayas and Avocadoes:  Try new and different fruits and vegetables.  This helps you to change up your eating lifestyle.  There were a bunch of fruits and vegetables that I would never buy at the grocery store, always sticking to the same recipes.  Trying new fruits and adding new veggies to the stir-fry keeps things fresh and enjoyable.  For example, I learned that papayas help fight nausea and have a high source of fiber and avocadoes are high in nutrients and just plain delicious in sandwiches.  Two of my must-haves on my grocery list that I never ate before.

8.  Hormonal Cows? Go Organic for Milk:  I love milk so this was an important find for me.  After some research into the meat industry (how they feed, raise, slaughter, and keep animals on farms) I learned that a lot is injected into cows.  These injections go into our supply of milk and end up in our system and if pregnant in your baby!  We haven’t gone organic for many things in our home just yet – as it is very expensive.  But, going organic for milk was a good switch and it was only a dollar fifty more than our regular brand.  It tastes different too!  

9. Sunny side up not so Sunny:  Be careful with runny eggs because it has higher chances of having salmonella poisoning than scrambled.  Runny eggs can also be found in some desserts and salad dressings.  

10.  Hot dogs, deli-meats, cold-smoked seafood and cheese:  These can also be easily contaminated with listeria and salmonella poisoning.  Also, ready-cooked meats should also be heated to steaming before eating. 

11. Substitute Meat Protein:  I can’t really call myself a vegetarian.  But, I only eat meat once every two weeks in a meal.  And even then, I prefer fish and chicken and rarely eat beef (like once a year in a lasagna or something.)  I found great healthy alternatives to meat such as peanut butter, beans, chickpeas, tofu, whole-grain pitas, pecans, and lots of other nuts and seeds.

12.  Exercise:  Walking, walking, walking.  A simple exercise to keep the heart rate pumping that can be done back and forth in your home to around the river or on a track.  It helps clear the mind and engages the body too.  You don’t need expensive equipment to exercise.  You just need a little motivation, some time and good pair of shoes.

We often take more time to groom ourselves on the outside with showers, good clothes, cologne and hairstyles but we forget about treating our insides just as well.  Making these small changes to your lifestyle will greatly effect your mind just as much as it will change your body and energy level too.  With your body eating well, your heart, mind and soul will follow in feeling good, healthy and happy.

(Do consult your doctor for any changes to your diet and if you are expecting.) 

An Invitation

Have you found out anything about your diet recently that made you think twice about it?  What goals do you have to become more healthy?  Share with us in the comments below your thoughts and tips.

image credit: wiccked

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There are a lot of givers in the world.  And we hear a lot about giving – give to charity, give to the needy, give a helping hand, be giving.  We give our ears to listen, our money, our love, energy and time.  But, we often don’t hear about the other side of this; we don’t hear about the takers, let alone do we hear that we should be takers.  

The fact is that in all the giving, there are people on the receiving end of all this – the takers.  There is nothing wrong with being a taker if you are also a giver.  Thus, it is vital to be able to give and to take in order to be a balanced and whole person.

Personal Story

I once had a girlfriend ask me for just about everything – from my time, my money, to my energy and love and because she was struggling at the time, I naturally gave to her without expecting anything in return. I used to put all my errands, my problems, my life on hold for her. I mean, I was cancelling my plans with other people, risking coming home way later than my family expected and loaning money I was saving for something else! (Yes, I know, this is too much.) A year later, she got married and things quickly changed.

She turned to her husband. This was okay for me. We kind of went back to being more balanced friends, but for some reason it never went back to being exactly the same, of course. So much had changed. I got so used to giving that I didn’t know how to take and she was so used to taking that she didn’t know how to give.

One day, I needed her to listen to me, so I called her up. She said to me quite frankly, “that she didn’t have the time.” I felt an immediate sense of resentment and I ended up playing over in my mind ALL the things I did for her. I didn’t like the resentment brewing inside of me like a forgotten pot of tea on the stove and wanted to understand it. Here’s what I think happened:

1. I didn’t truly give to her with no expectations in return.
2. I expected that she would not say no to me.
3. My expectations for what makes a good friend is quite high.

The repeated word in this cycle: expectations.

So, how do you battle this? Don’t have any!  Here are my thoughts on this:

1. When you give with your heart, you won’t ask or need a favour back (ever).
2. When you truly give to someone in genuine need, you don’t feel a sense of gratification in the giving.
3. When you give with your heart, you’ll soon forget the deed that you did and it doesn’t keep replaying in your mind (like I am so kind, I am so good).
4. Even though you are not looking for a payback, you should know that somehow you just will get rewarded because it is a law in the universe. But, you should also know that you will get the payback not in the way that you think and certainly not always from the person you gave to. Your sustenance is unpredictable and will come from unexpected places if you open yourself up to all the ways you could be given to. If you only rely on your paycheck every two weeks, you automatically close yourself off to all the other possible sources of income you could be making and receiving.
5. If you feel the slightest twinge of pain when you give – don’t. It’s time to take a break from the giving. It’s just not meaningful anymore and no one will benefit.

To be a truly balanced person in this principle you have to be willing to give and take otherwise you won’t be fulfilling a basic law of the universe and very soon the effect will surface.

Tips for Givers

1. Be able to take without feeling burdened. 
2. Start saying, “Yes!”
3. Give without making the receiver feel the giving. (Don’t make them feel bad for asking. A real gift of a person is that they see what a person needs and gives it to them without them having to ask you first.)
4. Give in secret.
5. Be aware of your heart. Are you giving out of obligation? Out of gratification? Or are you neutral? What is your motive?
6. Give when it is really hard to give (for example when you are really busy).
7. Give in other ways than materially (time, love, energy, a listening ear).
8. Hold back from time to time even when you really feel like giving and reflect on your heart when you hold back.
9. Give things away that you really really like. (Are you detached from your possessions?) In my tradition, we don’t give away things that we ourselves would never use. Giving away an old sweater that has holes in it or you are sick of it is not the same as giving away a sweater you really enjoy wearing, is it?

When Giving is not Okay

This is a hard one to determine because it requires looking deep within yourself and asking “why” before you give.  A friend of mine admitted to me that she often gives to people because it gives her a feeling of someone being “indebted” or “powerless” or “vulnerable” to her.  Of course, this is not okay!  It is manipulative to have a hidden motive behind your giving.

Sometimes we can receive gifts that are “too much” or gifts that are not really gifts at all.  For example, giving someone a membership to a weight loss class when they have no issues with their weight or enrolling them in an anger management class is not really a gift, it’s a disguise.  In your mind, you might be trying to be helpful – but the other person can feel quite rotten.  

Don’t give when the person feels forced or obliged to take from you.  You might be in a really good mood and want to give away your clothes or money, but sometimes people don’t want to receive.  Many people grow up where they have been taught not to take hand-outs or they have been taught that hard work is the only way to get things in life.  Many people don’t like taking things for free, especially if someone is giving to them out of pity.  If the person you are giving to is hesitating when you are trying to give – you might need to examine what you might be doing.  People can feel a lot through the energy you exude.  

Know when to give and when to let people help themselves.  This happens in my classroom a lot.  As a teacher, I have to be really careful when a student asks me for help.  I give the student as many tools I can to help them solve the question rather than give them the answer.  In fact, I almost never give the answer to my students in all my years of teaching!  (There are a few mystery questions we did in our class that my students are still wondering about today – Who Killed Felix?)  Sometimes a student will get the answer wrong again and again and I watch them struggle.  But, almost always when the student does get it – the moment of triumph is always exciting, who found the answer on their own.  It empowers and inspires them to take more risks.

Tips for Takers – Trying to Instill Giving in Yourself?

1. Make a plan for 40 days to give in a row until it becomes natural to you. Then go back to being balanced in your giving and taking. Wise scholars say that to make a habit permanent, do it for 40 days.
2. Start small. Give a smile to everyone you walk by. (You wouldn’t believe how many people can be stingy even with their facial expressions! I was one of them… eeek!) See: 50 (Not So) Random Acts of Kindness post.
3. Think besides money.
4. Start by giving to those closest to you. Your spouse, kids and family rather than strangers. This is often more hard to do.
5. Pick one small act of kindness and stick to it. Do it consistently. For example, pour water for everyone at the dinner table every night without making it a big deal. There is great reward in quenching someone’s thirst.
6. Change it up after 40 days.
7. Think of all the people who have given to you and reciprocate. Write thank you cards.
8. Reflect on your heart/spirit/ego. From what side are you doing the giving? Then, when you know for sure it is from the seat of your heart, proceed. If it isn’t, simply hold back until your heart goes back into expansion.

In a society where we are expected to give all the time, it can be hard to think about taking. To be on the middle path – the path towards a truly balanced person, trying to do both will make you the most happy.

An Invitation

Are you more of a giver or a taker? What are some ways that you try to be balanced in this principle?  Share your comments below and let’s try different strategies towards becoming balanced.
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Whether you are shy or bold, these ideas can easily be adapted to fit you and your spouse’s personality. Be a risk taker and try something from every category, for a balanced couple is the best kind of couple.

Try something physical one afternoon, something spiritual on another, something artsy tomorrow and something unique today. Better still, combine them and have a great time surprising your spouse with your creative zeal.

But wait! Before you dive into these ideas to give your marriage a boost, do remember that the best way to keep a marriage exciting and loving is to take care of yourself first. Yes, it is important to do things as a couple, but you also need time to reflect on yourself. When you nourish your spirituality and your hobbies, you are in a healthier state of mind and will exude a much more peaceful heart to your spouse. It’s called being in an interdependent relationship.

It’s in between being completely dependent on your partner or entirely independent from your partner. An interdependent relationship requires the two of you to give and take to one another. This is the essence of any relationship.

To always give yourself is not the middle way and to always take is also not the middle way either. For a truly healthy relationship, you have to be able to give and you have to be able to take. With these two balanced wings of the bird in tact, the giving and the taking, your marriage will surely fly.

Set time everyday (ideal) or every week for the well-being of your heart. If you are a stay-at-home person, you might be able to divide your day from household responsibilities and nourish yourself before your partner comes home. If you are a working person, it might be trickier for you to find quiet time at work, but it is possible.

For example, it might mean you literally write a schedule on a wall calendar that you both can see that shows when your quiet time is scheduled (like Saturdays from 9am to 1pm). Your partner will surely benefit from having time to work on their hobbies and interests too! The key is to keep open communication lines and express your needs and of course remind your significant other that it will help you be a better person if you can fulfill your heart’s need for peace and tranquility.

Your marriage can be truly fulfilling and everything you dreamed of if you master the art of gentleness, timing, and compromise. Here are the 100+ ideas; open up to the possibilities and find or renew your love again.

Physical Activities

1. Ride bikes in the forest trails, sea wall or park and have a picnic after (in an actual brown basket.)
2. Rollerblade together (or one rollerblades, the other bikes vice versa, the rollerblader can hang off the back of the bike, be careful!)
3. Workout together
4. Go rock climbing (indoor or outdoor)
5. Try caving (with a professional, please!)
6. Walk along a pier hand in hand
7. Run a race that supports a noble cause in your area (Breast Cancer, Children’s Hospital etc.)
8. Hiking is a personal favorite
9. Have a water fight with water guns and balloons.
10. Camp in your living room (in a tent).
11. Make sand castles at the beach
12. Have a snowball fight
13. Go sledding down big hills at the local park.
14. Go ice-skating
15. Play frisbee or try frisbee golf at your local park (it’s free!)
16. Play 21 in basketball (don’t let him win – well, ok sometimes)
17. Go camping but not in your living room
18. Play volleyball with a makeshift net made from string (tie it from tree to tree or put up a real one.)
19. Bowling (but only if you choose fun names that you type into the computer).
20. Try Lazer Tag (again let your partner choose a funny name for you.)

Spiritual Endeavours

21. Visit a Senior’s home and read to them
22. Volunteer together once a month at the local Food Bank or Soup Kitchen.
23. Read scripture or poetry together, daily is ideal. Give it a name, “Let’s do Poetry Jam.”
24. Buy a whiteboard for the house, write a new quote a day or for the week on it with washable markers (take turns writing the quote on the whiteboard, $10 at most office stores.) The whiteboard is an excellent resource! You usually end up writing silly jokes and messages to each other.
25. Plant a vegetable garden (yes, you can also do this on condo or appt patios too!)
26. Sit together and meditate.
27. Memorize a special quote and say it to your partner.
28. Learn another language, think nonverbal, all couples should have signals that no one else understands, secret gestures are fun!
29. Ponder nature everyday, keep a journal at home that you both write in or better still, blog about it!
30. Keep an ongoing book that you write in everyday (taking turns) with thought-provoking questions about life. You write a question, he answers it, writes his own question of the day, you answer it, he reads it and so on. (This is a nice keep safe to reflect on later in life.)
31. Play truth or dare but not about the past about the present and the future (the dares are more fun anyway!)
32. Calligraphy each other’s names in fancy canvas and paint it
33. Walk in the stillest part of the night.
34. Look for the needy before the needy look for you and give to them.
35. Take care of the environment together (do a beach clean-up or park clean-up or neighbourhood clean-up).
36. Draw nature in a visual journal together.
37. Clean together. (Get into the habit and make it fun, make it into a game; healthy competition is fun.)
38. Learn a real language together (completely different than the both of yours)
39. Study a famous biography of someone who made a difference and reflect and converse
40. Play Bouquets, Beefs, Dragons and Mirrors

The Arts

41. Visit the local Art Gallery, the Zoo or Aquarium
42. Take a cooking class together.
43. Fly a kite (a personal favorite.)
44. Read poetry together by the fireplace, before you sleep, after dinner (complete with a blanket and tea.)
45. Get magnetic poetry from the local bookstore or card shop and write messages on anything magnetic like the fridge (or inside the fridge is funny too.)
46. Always leave notes around (on mirrors, in lunches, in coat pockets, in the car, in a book he’s reading, on the fridge) share a personal thank you or a compliment.
47. Feed each other food often.
48. Read self-development books paragraph by paragraph, stop, reflect and discuss (You can never be too old to have people read to you!)
49. Do photography together and capture unusual things as a game. (One day photograph things that are red, the next day look for orange, purple…upload and reflect.)
50. Read at the library or visit workshops often held at the larger libraries.
51. Make decorations for your house for the holidays – (Making the home extra special at this time is uplifting!)
52. Make up a story saying one line at a time and going back and forth.
53. Find shapes and animals in the clouds.
54. Build a birdhouse and put in a tree that you can see everyday.
55. Make cupcakes and give them away to random people outside.
56. Make a 30 reasons why I love being married to you book.
57. Be a tourist in your own country again and re-visit places and share childhood stories.
58. See the stars from the planetarium or through your own telescope in your yard or condo patio.
59. Go for a drive and get ice-cream, sit on the hood of the car and eat it under the stars.

Trinkets and Gems

60. Match your clothes every now and then (same colors and styles.)
61. Make your girl a scavenger hunt around the house with clues made from riddles (this is really fun!)
62. Collect artifacts from your time together (pick up a napkin, a stub, a brochure, a plane ticket, a petal, a piece of cloth, anything!) for your 10th anniversary scrapbook.
63. Make breakfast before she wakes.
64. Give each other hand, foot, head massages.
65. Have a theme dinner once a month AT HOME (take turns at the challenge, Mexican, Japanese, Indian, Malay etc.)
66. Make dessert or cookies together.
67. Turn off the lights and do things by candlelight for one night (eat, read, sleep.)
68. Make something extra for the neighbour and go over to their house to say hello.
69. Watch the sunrise together.
70. Feed the ducks at the pond (not bread but real bird food.)
71. Play board games with the family (this really brings the family together.)
72. Smile at each other a lot and don’t underestimate light touches.
73. Be generous in your affection and be spontaneous.
74. Grow caterpillars into butterflies and watch the process (seriously).
75. Make a care package if your partner travels (hand-written letter, candy, chocolate, travel accessories.)
76. Write hand-written letters and mail them with a stamp, let her be pleasantly surprised as she shifts through the mail.
77. Walk spontaneously barefoot in grass or sand.
78. Stretch together.
79. Walk in the rain or snow or hail.
80. Be lazy on a Sunday, wearing your pyjamas all day.
81. Climb up a mountain or go to the mountains often and reflect together.
82. Feed each other fresh berries.
83. Have a spontaneous pillow fight and break out of formalities.
84. Jump in puddles, don’t worry about getting your skirt dirty! (He’ll think you’re crazy and that’s great!)
85. Lay back and watch the stars (the real ones).
86. Lay back and watch the stars (put up the glow in the dark ones in your room one night and surprise her.)
87. Take an afternoon Siesta.
88. Watch the ocean and play “I spy” during lull moments.
89. Play footsie.
90. Blow bubbles (get them from the dollar store.)
91. Pop fresh popcorn and watch a documentary (not a Hollywood movie!)
92. Walk around in freshly fall(ing) snow.
93. Please go swing on the swings at the park.
94. And also play on the Teeter-Totter!
95. Take a sick day not for yourself but when your husband is sick to help him.
96. Stay up all night talking.
97. Be flexible. Try his interests too and persuade him in your gentle way to try some of yours!
98. Go out for a coffee together (bring your own mug and save the environment.)
99. Get in a canoe and paddle to the middle of the ocean.
100. Get in duo-kayak and see the lakes in your neighbourhood.
101. Make time for deep conversation and reflections on the Universe.
102. Skip rocks in the lake.
103. Challenge your spouse to a game of chess.
104. Find out the names of trees and flowers in your neighbourhood.
105. Send his mother a friendly card or call her out of the blue.
106. Try bird-watching.
107. Go to theater and reflect on what you saw.
108. Go to a play together.
109. Start a local newspaper together.
110. Collaborate on a project or an event together, take initiative!
111. Listen to inspirational CDs or scholars together on a long drive in the car.
112. Rearrange your furniture every month (break out of habits!)
113. Sit in a different spot when you eat your dinner (break out of habits!)
114. Rearrange posters, hangings, trinkets and plants.
115. Try all the different local small restaurants in your town.
116. Play soccer.
117. Roll down a grassy hill.

Remember, the goal is to enjoy together for who they are and to grow memories day after day. Love emerges in subtle ways, try these possibilities and you never know what may come! I hope you find balance in your marriage today.

An Invitation

What do you do for fun with your significant other that keeps the marriage sizzling?  Share with us in the comments below and let’s expand this list!

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With 40 hour work weeks and no time to sit down, I often feel so wired by the time I get home that I am exhausted by 5:00pm and I just turned 30! I’m not in the greatest of shape but I can get up the stairs without huffing and puffing.  Thankfully, the answer came from a reflection way back from Kindergarten.  It doesn’t surprise me that the book, “All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten,” by Robert Fulghum has been a bestseller for a number of years.

My favorite part of the day was after lunch. Mrs. Rosario (may her soul rest in peace) turned off all the lights and we would sprawl all over the classroom for our daily nap for almost 30 minutes.  Some would crawl under the desks, some hiding in their jackets and some even brought their own pillows and blankies from home!  Then, Mrs. Rosario would quietly walk around on her tiptoes and choose someone to be the “Wake-Up Fairy.”

This person would be given a magic wand they would use to “gently” tap people awake (not all kids were all that gentle).  :)  All the kids made their signature waking up, yawning, stretching noises as they were woken up (a lot of us got in trouble for this!)  Aha!  This is my answer to the afternoon “I need Coffee” – take a siesta!

Now, ideally, to avoid the afternoon lull and coffee break – you want to literally lie down and take a nap for just 30 minutes or even an hour.  That’s it, that’s the answer to why our energy is zapped by the time we come home.  We need to take naps to re-energize.  Our bodies are not meant to keep on going for all of these hours.  I know – many of us work in cubicles or offices and a bed is not readily available.  Here is a list of different ways to revive yourself in a busy day.

1. First do take a nap if you can! It will definitely be hard at first, your mind and body will want to jump around and you won’t want to sit still, let alone lie still. Your mind will be chaotic, thinking of what to do right after the nap. But, if you want to be able to have more energy without giving in to caffeine, taking naps will help you in the long run. I used to drink coffee after lunch to get through the rest of the day with my students.  But, I realized I wasn’t drinking it because I really wanted to but because I was getting really tired and needed a pick-me-up.  Instead of listening to what our body is saying, “Stop” we stimulate it even more.
2. Step away from whatever your work is and do something completely unrelated. If you work on a computer all day, take a break by sitting in a different room if possible.  Pick up something light-hearted like reading comics or a cookbook.  If you teach kids all day, take a break from them and don’t let them bother you at lunch time if you are eating your lunch.  Pick up a conversation, eat some fruit, run up and down the stairs.
3. Write in a journal.  Record your thoughts, quotes, inspirations of the day.  Vent or write a kindness card to someone in your building.
4. Go for a walk.  One of my favorite things to do is walk in the rain without an umbrella, just a hoodie to refresh myself.  I love the way things smell when it rains.  Or go for a run, yes, yes on your break!  Get up and get out. Choose a co-worker to go with you if you want and get to know them better.  Start a walking or running club if you are really a go-getter and get everyone energized.
5. Make a healthy shake - strawberries, milk (or vanilla yogurt) with blueberries is a personal favorite. Bring a blender to work and let your co-workers use it too. Get other people to bring in different kinds of fruit and make shakes in “reusable” glasses.  Bring funky straws and have fun with it.  
6. Eat a new fruit a day and look at each bite as you eat it, slowly savoring every single juice that comes out – outside on a bench by yourself, watching the people walk by.
7. Work-out at the gym for a solid 30 minutes.
8. Dance wildly behind closed doors for 5 minutes and let out your energy.
9. Meditate.  Or if you are religious read from your Holy Book, a chapter or a verse or two and ponder it’s meaning. Read a poem a day. Do yoga exercises, get up and stretch, do push-ups in your office or jumping jacks.
10. Perform a (not so) Random Act of Kindness and do it secretly.  You can try to do this everyday and it can surely energize you without needing a coffee at all.  The adrenaline from being kind secretly can take you far.

Sneaky Pretenders that Don’t Really Work

1. Music.  I know this might be a little controversial as many many people use music to wind down (including myself). The key thing to do is to choose music that doesn’t mess with your emotions.  Choosing music that makes you sad, melancholy, lovesick, depressed or anything doesn’t help.  If you want to listen to music – choose something that doesn’t make you too high and not bring you too low.  Ask yourself: Are you turning on the radio out of habit or are you really appreciating the sound of voice or instrument that is playing?
2. Checking Email – This can help people wind down sometimes but some of us have inboxes full of emails that need our attention and can be quite demanding.  Checking email can become destructive if you are becoming obsessive and are tied to the messages.  You might need to make time to connect with people outside of the computer too.
3. Junk Food – This makes you swing from extreme to the other.  This is related to the point above about “you are what you eat.”  If you eat chocolate or chips as a quick pick-me-up, chances are your body will crash by the time it is 5:00pm and you will feel exhausted.
4. The voice “I don’t need a nap or naps are uncool.”  Everyone is taking naps!
5. Coffee!
6. Mindless chatter in the staffroom can lead to gossip and more unrest and more trouble!
7. Cleaning on your break is not a break (but sometimes helps some people!)  Put your feet up and close your eyes.
8. Calling family or friends to cheer you up, if you do this, keep it brief. Don’t get into lengthy conversations about family stuff at work, it’s distracting and takes away from your rest.
9. Thinking!

If you are an ambition seeker – talk to your employer about taking rest in your busy day. If you work at home – the best thing to do is to forget these tips, pull down the shades and hit the pillow for a good solid 30 minutes. You will come out revived and able to work much more effectively and in balance.

An Invitation

Do you take time for naps?  I challenge you to try to take a nap today in your busy day and tell me in the comments below how you felt doing it.  Was it hard to find a quiet place?  Did it feel good when you took it?  How else do you rest in your busy day?
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What exactly do bouquets, beefs, dragons and mirrors have in common?  It’s part of a game that you can play with your spouse to keep the spark in your marriage sizzling.

Whether you are newly married or hitting a rut, some creative energy and sheer willingness, can turn your marriage meter up a few knots with this simple game.

Bouquets, Beefs, Dragons and Mirrors

This conversational game allows you to ask your spouse questions with a twist.  Here’s how it works:

First, you say, “Bouquets?”  Your spouse gives a virtual bouquet of flowers to you for anything that he especially liked that you did in the past week.  The number of bouquets is limitless.  For example, he can say, “I give you a bouquet for helping me edit my paper for school, I really appreciated that or I give you a bouquet for always smiling at me right when I come home through the door.”

Next, you say “Beefs?” He gives a virtual “beef” to anything that might be bothering him.  For example, it might be a “beef” he has had at work. “I have a beef for Joe because he seems to always buy meat pizzas even though he knows I am a vegetarian at staff lunches.”  This can also be an opportunity to address a “beef” he may have with you.  (Remember to keep away from backbiting and stick to the facts!)  It is important to talk about “beefs” so you both can be on the same page in your relationship.  Often times, one spouse thinks everything is just fine, while the other is completely clueless!

Then comes, “Dragons?”  This is one of my favorites.  This is where he tells you about his fears, worries or concerns. “I have a dragon for next Saturday. I’m really hoping that I get my results back from my exam and that they are positive” Or, “I have a dragon for tomorrow morning, I’m feeling really tired, I hope I can wake for my 8am meeting.”  Dragons give an opportunity to share fears or concerns that are not necessarily shared because it’s not a usual part of everyday conversation.

And finally, “Mirrors?” This is a fun way to ask your husband to “reflect” on something that has happened to him lately that reminded him to be grateful. “I have a mirror for this morning. I woke up late and was really worried that I would miss the 8am meeting with the big boss, but the traffic was cleared for me and I got there in 10 minutes when it usually would take me 25 minutes. That was surely Grace on me.”

After your husband has had a turn, it’s your turn while he asks you. Don’t think you wouldn’t be a part of the fun! While your husband answers, it’s your utmost time to listen carefully, be gentle in your answers as he is opening up his vulnerabilities to you.

Tip:  You can play this game with your children to get them to open up.  Or with a few of your friends.  Play it by the fireplace on a rainy day, at the dinner table when the conversation is a lull or when you are too wired in your bed before sleep overcomes you.

An Invitation

Do you have any fun games that you play with your significant other?  What kinds of things do you do to sizzle things up in the relationship?  Share your ideas in the comments below and let’s put the spice back in our marriages.
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Ever wonder how some people in our lives manage to do it all?  They are able to be a mother, a father, a daughter, a son, a coach, a mentor, a cook, a cleaner, a teacher, a listener, a writer, an artist and even with all of those roles, they are able to do it all with a smile on their face.

While some of us struggle to finish one or two things a day, others are able to do a lot in one day with no extra effort exerted and with no-stress.  So how do they do it and how can you do it too?

First, there is recognition that they are not only made up of a body and a mind.  They have come to a realization that they have to nourish their spirit or soul or heart (insert your notion of the spirit here) as well.  Once you come to a realization that you have to feed all these parts of you for you to become whole, you will be on the road to becoming effectively balanced. Just like your body will stop functioning if you don’t eat and drink for a long time, the other parts of you need nourishment to stay alive too.

If you have one day of something “going wrong” it is probably because something is missing – something did not get nourishment – something was neglected.  You’re probably wondering how can you possibly feed all of your parts in one day?  It is possible.  With a little re-arranging and prioritizing and willingness to look at the world differently, with a new pair of eyes, you too can do it by taking simple steps.

1. Make an intention before starting. Always check your motivations to see if what you are about to do arises from your spirit or your ego.  This can be a verbal statement or a silent statement within the context of your heart.  “I am going to work-out at the gym to have more energy to help those around me or to be more pleasing to my wife and/or to feel better about myself” vs “I am going to work-out at the gym so I can walk around arrogantly and make people jealous of me.”
2. Maximize time by slowing down (it’s not an oxymoron). The famous cliche, haste makes waste is definitely true.  Cut down on your multi-tasking and concentrate on one activity at a time.  When you drink your glass of water, look down at the cup, feel the water go down your throat.  Please don’t eat with one hand and read this blog at the same time.
   Your face and your eyes should look at what you are doing, giving it your whole attention.  By practicing this you will find your relationships with people and with things will rise to level of beauty and sacredness and you won’t be taking things for granted.
3. You are what you eat! Regulate your food and water intake.  Eat enough to get you by because overindulgence in anything is someone else’s share, be it in clothes, money or food.  If you think you have too much, you probably do and someone else could use it or eat it.
   If you are eating a meal of chips and pop everyday and are also wondering why you are depressed, well it matters what you eat, how much of it and from what source it comes from.  Try making small switches, white bread to whole wheat, a blended drink or herbal green tea in place of coffee, vanilla yoghurt with fruit instead of chips.
4. Know the Law of Give and Take - Being a giver is just as exhausting as being a taker, give things to people for an exchange of something.  We are raised to believe that we need to give to people, to help them, to always be ready to listen and as these are valuable and virtuous gifts, it can exhaust and drain you.  It is just as important to take once in a while, especially from those around you, to be truly balanced.
   Remember, this is about balance.If you give all the time, you are not really a hero.  It is harder to be able to give up a habit of giving to be able to live on the path of the middle.  If you give all the time, you are living on one part of the extreme and sooner or later, you will start to resent people that you often give to all the time.  Before the guilt or resentment or perhaps the expected thank you is not returned, take!
5. Be Flexible over things you can’t control -  Give up being frustrated with the weather, the traffic, the long line-ups and the nasty person behind the counter.  Instead, find ways to make those undesirable things work for you by finding ways to be contented while those things occur around you.  Be able to rise with the unexpected.
   Find a self-help CD that you like or play scripture in your car if you are religious, drive in silence, talk to yourself in a microphone and record your thoughts.  Start up a conversation with the person in the line-up ahead of you or behind you (my personal favorite) — they are probably as bored as you are.
   Invite them into your life for awhile, compliment them or ask them about the weather.  Smile at the nasty-person behind the counter.  I often make sure that I have the person laughing or smiling before they are about to serve me.  I always always say hello, make long eye contact and ask them how they are with a smile.  They almost always loosen up!
   And, their negative energy won’t be in your service which usually results in something being overpriced or you forget your cucumber at the store which results in more negative downward spirals.  When they are in a good mood, they usually will want to go out of their way to help you.  Try it.
6. Sleeping Patterns are Crucial - Sleep early, even if you are in your 20 somethings because sleeping at 1am or 2am is not cool anymore.  In the long run, your body won’t be able to do it.  Sleeping at 9 or 10 is crucial and waking up at (i know you’ll think I’m crazy) 4am is amazing and better for you.  There is an hour in the night that is so quiet and so peaceful that you can accomplish a lot of work.  Siestas are the right way to think!  When the sun is at its highest, you should not be working!
   If you have the luxury of working at home or at a place where you can nap, do it!  One hour will take you through the rest of the day without your afternoon crash for another “coffee” to keep you going, sound familiar?  You’re probably sleeping too late and waking up too early.  Sleep early and waking early will add energy and a strange sense of calmness to your day!
7. Seek Solitude and Silence - At least once in your day and for some if its in the car ride home, that’s okay, but I still suggest a quiet time (10 minutes at least) to sit and do NOTHING.  You’ll have to keep your eyes open for this – this isn’t the same as nap time.  Closing your eyes makes you sleep and that’s not what you need.  You are practicing awareness by doing nothing but letting your body relax.
   I challenge you to do this at the most busiest time of your day.It is hard, but making it a ritual is necessary for you to be balanced.  Sitting for 10 minutes when all the work is done is not as challenging as doing it when you need to unplug, now that’s a balanced person, to be able to unplug when YOU feel like it and not when others finally give you permission!
8. Don’t just be grateful, practice gratitude - Count them, count them, count them!  Make a list, make beads, notes to self, anything and look at it often.  You will feel instant peace and rest in your soul.
9. Prayer - Whether you are religious or not but prayer, everyday, all the time is important, whether you believe in God, a Higher Power, karma, Buddha, or are an atheist.  Send a prayer out everyday for your family, yourself, your partner, your wealth, your health.  Ask, ask, ask and know that God, the universe, the angels, yourself, someone in the universe is listening to you. 
   Send your prayer on the mysterious airwaves of the universe and you’ll be surprised on how you are answered.  What do you have to lose to send out a prayer everyday?  Sit down, hands raised or head bowed, in a letter or in your heart.  Sit, make an intention before you do anything, and ask.
   Pray from the seat of your heart and let yourself pour it out.  Pour it out everyday, if tears come with the asking, even better.  Someone once said that we are quiet and fragile at our core when we are alone, but with the world we are fierce and strong.  Allow yourself to be weak (in a good way, like letting down your guard) sometimes and feel the vulnerability of your heart’s song.  

An Invitation

What are some things you that help you find balance in your life?  Do you take a time-out?  Do you divide up your day?  Do you have a journal or an agenda where you plan?  Share with us your thoughts in the comments below.  

image credit: pshutterbug

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