Back in Grade 8 as soon as we would enter the classroom there was absolutely no talking allowed.  Mr. Miller would simply pass out our loose-leaf journals and we would write in them for 15 minutes in complete silence.  We were not allowed to go to the bathroom, whisper, ask questions or make shuffling noises with our feet.

Then, after 15 minutes he would simply pick them up and put them behind his desk, locked in a cabinet.  He told us that he wouldn’t read them or “mark” them and no one else would, he simply wanted us to write.  He didn’t even make us read out the occasional journal entry after the 15 minutes were up because he thought that knowing that you might have an audience would change the way we really wanted to write.  

From that day, I was never without a journal or paperback in my bag.  I would scribble away all the time and read in every spare moment.  I developed my love for the English language, reading and writing so much, I wanted to go on to major in English in university.  And I did do that and to the dismay of myself and my former teachers and friends, my fear of writing set in.  I stopped writing and reading and my love of English (almost) went down the drain.

I’ll try not to hamper too much on how university can kill your spirit (I’ll save that for another post).  I will say that getting the “right” teacher for your courses really matters.  Researching your teachers by reading reviews posted on them, reading their biographies and philosophical take on life and their expectations of you in class is really important.  

As a teacher, I know that there are a lot of bitter teachers out there – I was one and have also worked with many.  Teachers can lose their passion about their subject because they are also mistreated in lots of ways.  Most often it’s not their fault and they need support.  But, if they haven’t got that support yet and you feel that in the first few classes – drop the course!  I strongly believe that the teacher is the curriculum and you end up taking in their energy, their thought processes and more than just the course content you signed up for.

It wasn’t until I met this one teacher in graduate studies that changed the way I thought about writing.  She was the first person to tell me that the “five paragraph essay” was just a template and that “yes, I can use “I” in my essays.”  I seriously was not told this before and was penalized about these very things in the past.  She basically threw out everything I was ever told about writing.  

She reminded me of Mr. Miller who just wanted us to write, to get out on the page what we really want to say, to just bring the insides of our thoughts out on the page.  She cared about the content not the container.  And, slowly, the fear of writing started to dissipate, even though I am still to this day very fearful.  I do believe that the mechanics of writing are important but it’s something I still struggle with a lot and really fear.  I am choosing to focus on content more for now and improve on the mechanics as I go on, but I don’t want it to block me.  This blog is just one way to keep at it anyway, to revive what I once used to love so much.  (So, please ignore my attempts at punctuation, grammar and fragments and enjoy the content!)

So, how am I getting over the fear?  Here are a few ideas that have really helped me.  

Examine and Understand the Fear

Where is your fear coming from?  Maybe it comes from a teacher’s red markings on your story, someone told you that you were a bad writer, you’ve placed high expectations on yourself, you’re comparing yourself to others, even published authors, you fear what people will think.  Or you think, “what’s the point of writing this blog, there are tons of blogs out there -who is going to read mine?”  Examine your thought processes.  

What is fear?  

Fear comes in the form of a negative thought of something that may or may not occur in the future.  So, we are spending all our time and energy and attention on something that might not even happen.  This time could be spent on your writing.  There is also good fear and bad fear.  For example, if you are a cyclist and you see a rock or a branch in your way, your brain sends and receives signals about it, this allows you to make a decision on how to react to the rock or branch.  Are you going to ride around it, over it, or take another path?  Bad fear is when your brain sends and receives signals to you about something but there is no reaction to it – it leaves you paralyzed.  

Act On Your Fear

Choosing to let your fear control you inhibits your happiness in life and takes you out of balance.  Instead, take steady steps to act on your fear, let go of preconceived notions, let go of judgments and negative voices and take back your life.

Here are a few ways to get back to your writing.

1.  Get a journal.  You can even go and get a fancy one.  Personally, I prefer plain white sketchbooks even though I also use lined.  I like sketchbooks because you can scribble (no words), draw images, or mind-map because the blank pages are not constricting like the lined ones.  

2.  Get a nice pen or pencil.  There is nothing more frustrating than wanting to actually sit down and write and every pen you pick up does not work.  Treat yourself and get a nice pen that is easy to hold in the fingers and writes fluidly.  And stock up on them too.  Put them away in a drawer so that other people in your house don’t use them.  They are special to just you and your writing.

3.  Clear your desktop and tabs.  The first two points are for the traditional types who still write on pen and paper.  Nowadays, many of us will write on the computer.  Clear away the clutter in your browser and desktop and open up a blank document.  Close your email tab (and the gmail notifier) too.  Choose a new font from the toolbar and perhaps change the color of your font too.  No one says you need to use the default font or color when you are writing for yourself.  Change it up.

4.  Read about writing.  There is a plethora of books out there on writing.  I can recommend so many to you.  However, five books sort of stand out from the rest that have helped me the most.  

a)  On Writing Well by William Zinsser:  Zinsser focusses mostly on simple writing.  This book helped me to recognize excess words (I am so guilty).  Adding more words, like adjective and adverbs to your ideas doesn’t help, he says it just adds clutter. He has simple tips like reading your work out loud to hear what it really sounds like and says that most mistakes can be found if you read it back and so many people don’t do this.  He also writes on themes and audience and how to write for specific things like sports or science.  A great book in our house that is re-read often.

b)  The Right to Write by Julia Cameron:  This book affirms the life of a writer.  It motivates you to think about writing again if you have left it for whatever reason.  The book is made up of small easy-to-read chapters or snippets so it can be easily read daily or weekly.  She talks about all the excuses we give ourselves not to write (I think the excuses she gives in the book are a way to hide behind not admitting fear).  She talks about busy schedules, lack of writing space, your family or your daily 9-5 as excuses.  If you like Zen-type of affirmations and if you think writing is “your purpose” or “your mission” or “makes who you are” this book is for you.  

c)  Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott:  Like Julia Cameron, Lamott’s book is also a book that motivates and celebrates the writer inside all of us.   The book’s title comes from advice from Lamott’s father to her 10 year old brother struggling over a book report on birds:  ”Just take it bird by bird.”  She talks about how to write fiction and why to focus on characters mostly.  The book is lengthier than the others but if you are looking for a pick-me-up back into the world of writing, this book can help.

d)  Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White:  This is the most popular book out there in writing.  Now, this book is celebrating it’s 50th Anniversary Edition in a new durable binding to be kept for years longer because you know that you are going to use it!   This book is for everyone from high school to graduate students of writing.  It is compact, jam-packed, simple and incredibly important for clear and strong writing.  It should be on the bookshelf of anyone who writes.

e)  Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss:  This is a hilarious book about punctuation.  Yes, you read that right, punctuation!  This witty little volume, much like Elements of Style, is a U.K. #1 bestseller.  The book’s title is based on how incorrect punctuation about a panda bear in a bar can cause a big fuss.  The panda bear eats: shoots and leaves.  But with the comma in the title, it means that the panda bear actually “shoots” something and leaves.  She uses a very conversational tone and addresses common errors that grammar books try to teach.  A hilarious way to look at grammar again and the importance of mechanics in one’s writing.  

5.  Don’t compare your writing to others.  It happens.  We read so many blogs online, all these great books and articles and we think, “I can’t write like that” or “That only happens to ‘good’ writers.”  Well, there is no real definition of a ‘good’ writer.  Comparing yourself to others only makes your mind spiral downwards.  Instead give yourself mini-milestones and compete against yourself.  You might write one blog post today.  Try to write 1 and 1/2 the next day and two the next.  Challenge yourself to be a better writer instead of comparing yourself against other writers.  Better yet, strive to be a writer that someone compares their writing to.

6.  Form a Writing Circle.  To be a better writer, you will need to show your writing to others.  Start by gathering a small group of your friends and colleagues and get together one night every week to share and discuss your writing.  The critique of others in a compassionate setting is a good stepping stone to improve your writing.

7.  Be an apprentice.  One of my favorite ways to learn anything new or to improve on skills is to find a teacher who is an expert in the field.  Follow them around for a day or even a week and learn how they do things.  Ask lots of questions.

8.  Let Go of Pre-Conceived Notions.  This goes in hand with number seven.  When you do study with a teacher, forget everything that you thought you knew about writing.  When the container is already full, what else can you possibly pour in your cup?  Empty your cup of preconceived notions and start fresh.  

9.  Start Small.  First, try writing in a personal journal for only yourself and start loving it again.  Move on to writing letters to your spouse or your children and then branch out to your community newsletter or start a blog.  Google for freelance writing jobs or post yourself on sites like Suite 101 (they are currently hiring) About.com or Elance and start making some income with your writing.

Admittedly, there are still traces of the fear felt when I write and I do get the butterflies in my stomach every time I hit “publish” and my writing is up for all to see.  I am choosing to act despite my fear and trusting that even though I will make mistakes, at least I am trying.  It is one step closer in becoming more balanced.

An Invitation

Do you or did you have a fear of writing?  What helped you get over it?  What kinds of writing practice do you do?  Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below and let’s give each other The Right to Write.
image credit: Aileen