We’ve all heard of Random Acts of Kindness.  Indeed, it makes the world go round.  But, lately, this too-often used phrase has really got me thinking about the word, “Random” and how it is linked to “Acts of Kindness.”  So, I looked it up.  ”Unknown, unimportant, uncertain, unpredictable and lacking any purpose or intention” are some definitions that came up in my search.

Kindness can be done spontaneously in the moment when your heartstrings pull at you, but it would be better if it came with an intention.  It makes one in balance if you do.  And, if things are done randomly, does kindness have any real meaning?   

An intention to be kind allows the person to direct that kindness purposefully, understand where it is coming from (the ego or the heart), and then follow through depending on where the intention came from.  Intentions allow mini-goals to be established in the heart and then the action afterwards can be transforming.  In many traditions, formulating an intention to do something is one half of the reward and if one does not follow through – they are still rewarded for their positive thinking.  And that’s just it.

It is not so much the word “random” that troubles me.  It’s the purpose behind the kindness that matters to me.  Some people can be kind for manipulative reasons (to gain something, to be famous, to be rich, to empower) and still others are kind for the sake of being kind.  See my related post about The Give and Take Principle.

A random act of kindness can just be done with the body.  But, to be truly balanced and bring awareness to each part of you, it requires you to consult the awareness of heart, mind, body and soul.  And formulating an intention before you begin your act engages all four.

Let’s take a common example that happens to me quite frequently:

Walking by people as I stroll by with my baby.  Do I smile or not?

When I go for walks, I encounter two main types of people.  One type of person will look up and smile at people passing by and the other will not acknowledge people as they walk by.  I fall in the first category 85% of the time.  Truthfully, I do have days where I want to be left alone with my thoughts as I stroll and I don’t always look up.  But, on the days where I feel like engaging this is what I think happens.

I see someone far down the street.  They are soon going to pass by me.  What do I feel like doing?  (They are probably wondering the same thing.)  What does my energy feel like?

Heart:  I feel like smiling at this person because I feel happy today and I want them to feel happy too. (The heart feels.)

Mind:  I am going to smile at this person when the person reaches a bit closer to me. (The mind calculates.)

Soul:  I feel like smiling and I am going to smile because the eyes are the gateway inside someone’s vulnerabilities. It’s okay if they don’t look up or if they don’t return the smile.  (The soul transcends.)

Body:  The smile.  (The body acts.)

You might think that this will take too long but it all happens in just a split-second – the heart-mind-body-soul can move really fast.  And, if it does take long for you to figure out if you should or should not do something, pay attention to that hesitation and ask yourself why?  With more acts of kindness that you engage in, the process becomes easier each time.    

So, before you do an act of kindness, take a moment to formulate an intention to engage every part of you.  Bring awareness to your heart and transcend.

Here are 50 (Not So) Random Acts of Kindness:

1. Smile
2. Massage someone’s hand.
3. Fill a parking meter.
4. Pour out water at the dinner table for everyone.
5. Make someone a glass of warm milk before they go to bed.
6. Open a door.
7. Respond to “How are you?” by looking at that person in the eye.
8. Make eye contact when you talk to someone.
9. Hug
10. Share your lunch.  (Bring something that can actually be shared like grapes or carrot sticks.)
11. Place stickie notes around with nice comments around for people to be surprised by when they find it.
12. Make breakfast if you don’t normally do.
13. Make coupons.  ”Evening Night Out While I Take Care of the Kids”
14. Bake and share with your neighbour.
15. Invite your neighbour in for tea or ice-cream.
16. Walk around town and make conversation with the locals.  Visit the same local stores for your things.
17. Remember people’s names when you make conversation with them for next time.
18. Cuddle your child longer than usual.
19. Don’t be the first one to pull away from a handshake or hug or kiss.  (People will notice this one as they try to pull away.  It feels good.)
20. Give a longer gaze than usual to a loved one.
21. Help with groceries by buying them, carrying them in or putting them away.
22. Acknowledge someone’s greetings to you with a better one.
23. Read to a child.
24. Tuck someone in. (Your spouse counts!)
25. Put socks on someone’s feet if they are usually cold.
26. Inquire about someone’s health.  Visit a sick person.
27. Volunteer at a senior’s home (visit your grandparents first if they are still with you.)
28. Volunteer at a school.
29. Volunteer at a youth center and just listen to the kids.
30. Volunteer at a youth center and play sports with them on another day.
31. Volunteer to do something for your family.  (Cut the lawn, tend to the garden, clean up.)
32. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
33. Feed the hungry by making sandwiches, a hot meal and a hot drink and deliver it right to them.  Stay and chat.
34. Do things before being asked.
35. Hold hands with your mom and dad even if you have your own kids.  They love it.
36. Listen intently when you do listen.
37. Take your time doing anything: eating, talking, listening, working, cleaning, reading, writing etc.
38. Look nice for someone.
39. Let someone go ahead of you while driving or in the grocery lane.
40. Offer your change to someone struggling to find the right amount in front of you.
41. Start up conversations in line-ups.
42. Give to a charity.
43. Walk around with change in your pockets so you can give it to people who ask instead of saying, “I don’t have any.”
44. Drive with non-perishables in your car so you can pass it out to the homeless who walk up to your car.
45. Give away balloons, flowers or lemonade outside your place.  Build community.
46. Say, “Please” and “Thank you” and “I Love You” sincerely.
47. Give sincere compliments.
48. Seek forgiveness from someone you know you might need to.
49. Forgive someone who needs it from you.
50. Do chores in the house you don’t normally do.  Make it a habit.
51. Give positive praise to someone who is getting upset with you.

Kindness to others is only possible if you are kind to yourself first.

1. Treat yourself to good food.
2. Take a long bubble bath.
3. Dress up.
4. Sleep in.
5. Use your “best” stuff (perfume, dishes, sit on the expensive couches)
6. Do nothing.

An Invitation

I hope you find balance today by doing an act of kindness with intention.  What acts of kindness do you do for yourself?  Share it in the comments below and let’s grow the list.  Let’s treat ourselves and others with kindness today.
image credit: harcorutgers 9qfcrbezd3